A closed day. Awoke with such a heavy heart. No reason in paricular. Has been gaining momentum all week. Tears sit in pools ready to spill. Outside all is frozen mirroring stark feelings. I thought I was moving towards freedom from this insipid sadness. I had hoped one day to dance again. Painting and lessons, riding and writing all patching together a life that would support this end. Today with a chest laden with a cement slab I would simply be happy for the courage to unfurl.